Would You Date You? (Find out now)
I remember the first time I heard this question.
My ex girlfriend threw it in my face as I was begging for her forgiveness.
I was at work and she sent me a message "Where did you stay saturday"…
That question instantly made my heart race, the hairs on my arms prick up and my mind start to race…
I knew exactly where I had stayed… and I shouldn't have been there.
I went into 'save the relationship at all costs' mode…
This moment was a huge turning point in my life and that question has shaped me in to the man I am today.
Even if I didn't recognise it at the time.
We all have moments that should make us question how we are showing up… if you haven't this newsletter may have some light bulb moments that make you a better man, partner & husband.
As the dust settled from that relationship, I went through some tough times.
Those times lead me to explore what would make me a person I would date…
The reason I am going with dating and not mates is because you generally spend more time with the person you marry/date than anyone else.
They see the true you—the person you are when no one is watching. They come to understand your genuine values, beliefs, and how you treat others.
You can't build great relationships with others until you have a great relationship with yourself.
Those who try to do so, without self-awareness and self-respect often lack personal standards and boundaries.
It nearly always results in an unhealthy & imbalanced relationship.
It's exactly what I experienced for years… and 99% of the time I was the problem.
I was constantly seeking validation from mates or girls. Even if it meant being validated for being the 'loosest unit at the pub'… if I could get it I would take it.
Or if girls would compliment me on my physique. I told myself I had to keep it to get more of what I wanted.
What most people didn't know at the time and maybe I didn't recognise myself was I was extremely insecure & felt unworthy.
I was always looking outside myself for security & to be validated… the problem I couldn't control that.
I was always chasing… (maybe that is why I am a good runner haha)
By luck I started working on myself. I started creating an identity around the man I wanted to become.
My self-esteem improved & I started accepting who I was and where I was at.
The biggest shift was that I started liking myself.
The ripple effect was huge. My relationships with mates became better.
My relationship with my new gf (now wife) felt right.
Because I thought about the man I needed to become. I became proud of who I was and the direction I was headed in.
I often get asked in our men's community how do we improve the relationship we have with ourself.
There is no quick fix and the journey is different for everyone.
… However I reflected on my journey and came up with the
DATE FOR ONE Checklist.
Get to know yourself
Make time for yourself
Embrace new experiences - reflect on them
Practice positive self talk
Define who you want to become
Allow yourself to be seen
Get to know yourself:
Like meeting a new person. You want to learn about their experiences, challenges, interests, fears etc. Then you can make judgement around if you want the relationship to continue. The cool thing about yourself... When you recognise aspects you don't like. You can set a goal to change that. This is how we grow. I find writing the best way to achieve this. In our self discovery program. We dive deep into this.
Make time for yourself:
It seems obvious but so few people do it. You must prioritise time by yourself. Sit with your thoughts, reflect on past moments & think about the future. If you don't others will do this for you and you may not like it.
Embrace new experiences:
Try new things. As you grow and evolve, so will your interests. I believe having 'first times' keeps us young and excited about life. We naturally are drawn to comfort. Challenge yourself to try new things regularly. Every month I am to embrace a new experience or meet a new person. My life resume is growing.
Practice positive self talk:
Half the stuff we say to ourselves… we would never say to a friend or lover. Your words matter. Use them wisely. The more respect you have for yourself. The better life you will live. You may not be able to control the first thought but you can control the next thought.
Define who you want to become:
This is where you get to set standards, change beliefs, learn new skills & really design your life. If you get stuck… think about the man you DON'T want to be and do the opposite.
Allow yourself to be seen:
Take off the mask. I realised I had a great relationship with myself when I was comfortable showing up as the real me. I didn't need to pretend so people would like me. I was me and I found the right friends and right partner.
There is no order you need to do this in. Over time you want to build the habit for all of them. Be patient. Rome wasn't built in a day…. either is YOU 2.0.
Thanks for reading this week. I put a post out earlier in the week and it got a lot of traction so I wanted to expand on it.
When you are ready to begin the journey to becoming the best version of yourself and build your ideal life. Start with my Self Discovery Program.
Until next week.
Lachie