What I'm Doing At 33 To Avoid Regrets At 63
Have you fallen into this trap?
You’re not too different from me. You grew up and were sold the dream life path that includes going to school, getting a job, building a career, getting married, starting a family, purchasing a home, and eventually retiring.
People flock to this because its order makes it feel like natural progression. We love having a path. Even if it’s not a path we choose
You love progress, I love progress. It gives our life purpose.
If you've ever played video games… its the exact same. We don’t choose the next level but we trust its moving us closer to completion.
The big problem I have with that life path is they never talk about order and how it impacts your life. It didn’t appear to work well for people. I witness so many unhappy people thinking that achieving that next milestone would solve their problems… When our relationship is strained let's have a baby or buy a house… it serves as a temporary distraction… people avoid the work. Only for the problem to rare its head later.
Over the years I have work with 79 men 1:1. Most of them have done well financially but they now find themselves in a position where they don’t have anyone they love to share their success with. They don’t have the strength and energy to do all the things they said they would.
The focus on building wealth and their career caused them to lose so much.
It got me thinking…
what is chasing money really costing me?
One client I worked with for around 3 years really taught me some life changing lessons.
He ran a global company, had all the execs and assistants yet was constantly working. From the outside his life looked incredible, private travel, nice cars and house but He would yo-yo with his health, was in and out of relationships and would mentally break down every few months.
I wondered why someone who had the financial resources to be happy… still struggled so much.
It was hard to watch. I like to think I helped him make small bits of progress only for his desire to grow the company to derail it.
This confirmed the belief — all the money in the world can’t buy happiness.
Doing things that make you happy brings happiness.
What really matters in life
Money can buy you time and experience but you have to afford that yourself.
What I mean by this is you need to physically, mentally and emotionally allow yourself to be happy. I guide men through this is the self discovery program
I believe far too many men lack logical long-term thinking. I get it, you may be focused on your career because you want to set your family up and then you can have the holidays and get your health in order.
The likelihood of that happening is low. We are what we repeatedly do. Every day you neglect exercise, relationships & hobbies is another day you forget HOW TO do that.
I don’t mean you lose the skill, but you lose the mental bandwidth to be focused on tasks that are new. We are hardwired to build routines and develop habits… it allows us to save mental energy.
When I was starting in business, I stopped watching sport because I thought my time was better spent working.
I became socially anxious/awkward. I was losing my ability to be in social settings. It’s not that I couldn’t do it. It just wasn’t what I was practicing. You must flex the muscle for it to grow.
Confidence is built through repetition of the thing you want to become confident in.
There are more men than ever who are overweight, depressed & socially anxious
I was no different, I was depressed, socially anxious and terrible in relationships.
It wasn’t until I started Logical long-term thinking about my life that I started changing my actions, building new skills and building a better life.
I will give you the framework I used to map this out shortly.
If you have been following my podcast or social media, it’s no secret, I believe in doing things Today to be better for tomorrow.
The things I do today are to make sure I don’t set myself up for a life of regrets.
Everyone I have met, my own experiences and the people I have interviewed have all taught me things… they have also guided me what not to do.
It’s given me an understanding of the things I want to do now so I can avoid regret in my 60s.
My desire to live a great life had me filling my time with things the gurus said I needed to do to succeed.
Morning routines
Networking events
Work meetings
The list kept growing, I became busier, and I had no time for things I wanted to be doing.
I had moved from one system to another.
How were these things helping me live a great life if I wasn’t enjoying it?
If I had to keep this up until I retired… I would miss the best years of my life doing things I didn’t enjoy.
I hope you understand this lesson. Even the things I tell you I do may not be the right thing for you. You need to test things. If they move, you are closer to what you want. You can continue. If they don’t
Stop doing them.
Make time to do the things that matter.
This was the final straw. I had watched clients become busy in the pursuit of success and not be happy.
I personally had become so busy in the pursuit of success that I wasn’t happy
I knew I needed different.
That's what has led me to build my life the way it is so i don’t have a life of regret at 63.
Let me talk to you about logical long-term thinking and then I’ll share what I am focused on, so I don’t have regrets at 63 years old
It is when you think 5+ years into the future and define what you would like to have/could have in your life. Then you work backwards
Eg. In 5 years I will have children, I want flexibility to travel and be at home. While still making time to experience life.
Questions I need to answer (examples):
Will my career allow that?
how much $ do I need to earn
How do I get my family on board with this?
Answers to these questions lead to more questions & ACTION STEPS.
This is where the work starts.
You don’t wake up with a great life. It must be built.
I became obsessed with this. To really dive into it I created the
“Logical Long Term Thinking Framework”
Your story - Reflecting on one’s past and current situation to set the stage.
Values - Identifying core values to guide decisions and behaviours.
Envision your best life - Imagining the most fulfilling and successful future.
Your impact - Considering the legacy and influence one wants to have.
Statement - Summarising the above elements into a concise and motivating statement.
This takes time to go through and I cover it in the Self Discovery program. It’s like measuring twice to cut once and getting it right.
I see too many blokes who only think about how money will impact their life.
They underestimate the importance of giving time to their health, relationships and hobbies.
How will that impact your life in the long term?
If you feel you don’t have time to do this or don’t believe it’s valuable. I challenge you to stop and reflect on the last 5 years of your life.
If you continue the same trajectory, will you have connected relationships? Will you feel comfortable with your shirt off? Will you be excited for adventure?
Or will you be tied to your career?
I have an idea of what I want my life story to be (I don’t think anyone is 100% certain)
It’s not dictated by material things. It is looked at through values.
The things that I prioritise are:
Health: Will this improve my health so that when I am 60+ I still have a great quality of life. Currently I am running marathons. It’s keeping me fit and active, and I am learning a lot about recovery, nutrition and sustainability. Previously I’ve played rugby, CrossFit rowed & so much more. Its adding to my life story while keeping me healthy
Connection: Does this person bring value to my life, do they care, challenge and leave me feeling energised. I am hanging around like minded people. Those who value health, growth and freedom of their time. As I move into a different season of life I am hanging around more families and people who travel with their businesses.
Freedom: Will this allow me the financial means to do what I want, does it allow me to have flexibility with my time. My business is built online for this exact reason. I love being in control of my income and being able to work on the road. I have been building for 10 years.
Adventure: Do I experience new things, meet new people & add to my life’s resume? I am living in the USA. Every day is a new experience, travelling around the country, meeting so many epic people. This is the adventure of a lifetime. I often think of people in my life who have settled down and I am jealous of that. But I also remind myself this is a season. Enjoy it while it lasts.
I have removed the BUSYness from my life so I can give time and energy to what matters.
Life is not what we are building, it is what is happening.
If I can get you to take away one thing from this.
What are you currently neglecting in your life that you will regret in the years to come… invest in it now.
Thank you for being here this week.
TBH this week was hard to write. I have been in South Carolina, Atlanta & now heading to Kentucky.
The experiences are amazing… but having a big chunk of time to write has been difficult… but I made it happen.
If you are ready to build the life you want. Enrol in the Self-discovery program today.
Ps. Be sure to check out my latest podcast with Ryan Drake. We chat about turning your passion into a business.