What's Holding You Back from RAISING Your Standards?
Up until I was 23, my standards were like a yo-yo: they went up when life was good and plummeted when things got tough. I was reactive, living at the mercy of whatever was happening around me.
If life handed me lemons, I didn’t even bother to make lemonade; I just assumed, “This is it, mate, sour drink and all.” It never occurred to me that I had any control over this.
The big wake-up call came at a personal development event. Ben Kelly, one of the speakers, shared his story, and it hit me hard. I realised that my life was on autopilot.
I wasn’t actively creating anything; I was reacting to everything. I was broke, had no clear purpose, and was barely holding things together. My relationships were in rough shape, and my self-worth? Let’s just say it was somewhere south of rock bottom.
Deciding to raise my standards felt powerful—until I tried to put it into practice.
The biggest challenge? My self-image. I’d spent years with a fixed mindset, assuming I was who I was and that was it. But setting new standards meant I had to look at all the things about myself I wasn’t proud of. It was like airing out a dusty old closet; every time I’d dig deeper, I’d find some limiting belief waiting to pull me back down. My head was full of “I’m not good enough for that” or “That’s not who I am.”
And the doubters didn’t help. Friends and family were a mixed bag. Some were supportive, sure, but others looked at me like I’d joined a cult or something. There’s nothing like trying to improve yourself and being told, “But, mate, you’ve always been like this.” One of the funniest moments had to be my short-lived network marketing phase. I threw myself in, thinking I’d found the golden ticket, and couldn’t understand why others didn’t see the magic. Looking back, I probably seemed a bit… intense.
Once I committed to my new standards, staying consistent was the name of the game. I attached some painful memories to my past behaviours—nothing like a bit of aversion therapy, right?
Every time I thought about slipping back, I’d remind myself of those dark times, and that gave me the push to keep going forward. I found that keeping a diary was a game-changer. It was a place where I could track what I needed to get done and feel a bit of accomplishment each day.
There was a moment early on when I started seeing some progress, and I thought, “Alright, mate, you’ve made it!” Naturally, I celebrated a bit too hard, only to quickly realise how easy it is to slip back. I learned that day that good results come from good actions, and, well, let’s just say “shit actions lead to shit results.”
About a year into this journey, things started to click. My life had taken on a whole new direction—I was fit, in a loving relationship, and running a business I was passionate about. It was like a lightbulb moment: taking responsibility wasn’t just something you read in self-help books; it actually worked.
The freedom of knowing I was in control of my life was incredibly empowering. I could learn new skills, build new relationships, and live a life I actually enjoyed. I wasn’t the man I used to be, and I was proud of that.
The power of your environment is no joke. I found out pretty quickly that if you surround yourself with people who don’t aspire to much, it’s easy to sink back to where you were.
A positive environment is like fuel; it keeps you going. Negative ones? They’re like quicksand.
In the beginning, I made some drastic moves. I cut ties with people who were bringing me down, and while it was a bold step, it wasn’t always the right one. I was desperate for change and thought distancing myself was the only way. It’s funny looking back, but I had a moment where I literally asked myself, “Is what I’m doing with these people in my best interest?” If the answer was no, I started making moves.
Today, I know it’s more about finding a balance, enhancing relationships where possible, and knowing when to keep a bit of distance.
As I continued this journey, I found myself wanting to help others do the same. My purpose became crystal clear: to inspire other men to rise above their challenges.
Over the years, a few people have reached out to me, particularly those who noticed my shift in lifestyle, especially around alcohol. They saw the changes I made, and it resonated with them.
One story that stands out is from a guy who was struggling with his relationship with alcohol. It was affecting his marriage, his job, and, honestly, his self-respect. He saw me talking openly about my own journey, and it made him think, “Maybe I can do that too.” Seeing him take those first steps reminded me that raising our standards isn’t just about our own growth—it’s about the impact we have on others.
Here’s where things get funny. People often approach raising their standards like ordering fast food: they want immediate results. I’ve seen people who declare, “I’m going to earn a million dollars!” without having a plan, or “I’ll drop 20 kilos by next month!” as if the weight will just melt off because they announced it. That impatience used to be me, too.
I’d make these grand plans with no clue what they’d actually take, only to realise that changing deeply ingrained habits is a process. It’s only by failing a few times that you realise raising standards requires experience, not just enthusiasm.
Change takes time, and those big declarations are just the first step. Real growth comes from understanding and grinding it out.
My lightbulb moment came when I finally understood that raising standards isn’t about perfection. I’d gone through years of ups and downs, thinking I could overhaul my life overnight.
It doesn’t work like that. It’s easier to take a step than to make a leap, and real change happens through small, consistent actions. It’s taken me a decade to reach this version of myself, and I’m still a work in progress.
So, to anyone reading this and thinking about raising their standards: take the step.
Don’t worry about being perfect. Just commit to moving forward a little bit each day.
After all, as I’ve learned, every small step counts, and you’ll surprise yourself with how much those small steps can add up.